“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might find…you get what you need.”
- The Rolling Stones
Life sometimes takes a turn that we don’t plan on. After one thing doesn’t go as planned, other things may follow suit. It’s nothing to be worried about, it happens all the time. In fact, that’s LIFE. Much of the time it doesn’t do what we want (which isn’t all bad...because if you could choreograph your life what would that look like anyway?). It’s a lesson we learn and then somehow forget.
Over the last months, I have been fighting with unexplained pains in my body that have been (to put it mildly) not that pleasant. Nearly five months after my second arthroscopy on my knee, I felt as though my body just wasn’t fully recovering. I had more than just fluid retention in my knee, and more than just knee pain. It was everywhere. After blood work, physical therapy appointments, plenty of dietary adjustments, consultations with doctors, sports medicine professionals, massages and yoga classes, I might have found a solution, although the pain isn’t gone entirely. It’s taken a lot of time, effort and money (that I hadn’t planned on using towards this issue) to get here. It has been frustrating, and tiring…and a little depressing, honestly.
I have been waking up in the morning and feeling aches everywhere from the neck down. Hobbling to the bathroom feeling like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz that needed a bit of oil to get me going. Some days it was worse than others. Some days I took ibuprofen and tried my best to ignore it. Some days it was much stronger than others, but it was always there. It’s there now.
During these months in between working on my physical issue, I have been promoting my upcoming 8-week MBSR course which is scheduled to start this week. I have advertised on Facebook, posted on several Expat groups, sent notifications to my neighbors on Nebanan.de, hung flyers in appropriate places, sent newsletters, created groups on Meetup.com and have exactly ONE person signed up for my class.
Sometimes that makes me anxious, as you might imagine.
I want to focus on my teaching. I want this pain in my body to go away. I want there to be a line of people wanting to take my classes and expand their knowledge of mindfulness and mediation. Unfortunately, that’s not what my life has to offer at the moment. It is giving me quite the opposite. It’s a similar situation when my daughter isn’t happy about what’s for dinner and I tell her, “Well, that’s what we are having.”. I am asking her to accept what there is with relatively little complaint. Life is asking me to do that now.
I could sit here and tell you that I’m having an awful time and mope and cry about it. I could throw in the towel after eight months of having my own business and say that this isn’t what I’m cut out for. I could just keep taking ibuprofen and not try to take control of this pain in my body.
Or…with a little acceptance and patience, I could see that this is what’s “on my plate”. I may not like it but complaining about it and running from reality by ignoring, denying or rejecting it will clearly not help. I know. I tried.
So now have time to work out these aches in my body (that I believe are caused by relying on my right side for an extended period of time) and time to find new ways to reach out to Berliners with my mindfulness and meditation teachings.
See if that’s not true in
your life. Would you be where you are today without things taking strange and unexpected turns? I think many of us would say we are better off for the unplanned and unforeseen hurdles, junctures and opportunities. And what would a life be without those things? Pretty boring, I suspect.